You may have to practice developing your new ear to hear what the old ear can’t.

You’re not looking for power chords from AC/DC.

You’re looking for very faint sounding violin.

Imagine being a harp and all that stuff out there that you are aware of is like the wind moving your strings.

Your strings are made up, for the very most part, of your history.

The things that happened.

The meaning you made.

The language(s) that you use.

The preferences you have.

How to go about finding out what your un-PC is made up of?

First of all, “un-PC” is a very individualistic thing for each of us.

What is un-PC for me may not be un-PC for you.

Second of all, a lot of the un-PC stuff is, more or less, 180 degrees from what you show through your Public Face.

I get to try to have the life that I want to have.

Feels sad, in a way, to cut that tie to my parents.

To stop trying to please them.

To stop fighting them.

To cut the dinghy with their corpses free and watch it drift off as I chart my own course.

What kind of spin do I need to put on my bullet, the thing that I’m using to get what I want, to get past Wilber and into the bull’s eye?

There is a scene from the movie “Wanted”, where the object is to curve a bullet around Wilber (half a butchered pig) and hit the bull’s eye. Yes, Wanted has enough continuity errors for 30 movies. And it’s still fun. And it still points at some really interesting things, from my POV.

Talking about this scene came up in a conversation about, “How do you connect up with someone when they are in reaction, when their ICs are up?”

It’s easy to connect with someone where Wilber isn’t in the way.

It’s a ton of fun for a newbie to be in there and catching fire.

It can be a vet who has something new catch on fire.

Love the bold actions that being on fire generate.

There was this moment when there was a flavor, “Wait. You’re here because you have something that you want to have happen. You have something that you think would benefit people. Your job is a coach. You’re here to sell something.”

Uh, actually, no.

I am most def not here to sell something.

It’s about, “You know what I mean.”

No, actually I don’t.

I know that where you’re from or inside your own head, you understand what the subtext means.

Not only am I not where you’re from, not only am I not inside your head with you, I have forgotten or misplaced a lot of the subtext labels.

It’s about being with all of what it is to be human.

You gain points by demonstrating your ability to dance with all things human.

You lose points by demonstrating your unwillingness to dance with certain parts of being human.

“WTF? Why would you want to do that? Why would you want to get someone out of a stableness of a yummy place and into being experiencing unstableness, of not being sure of what is going on?”

I get that.

It’s not that I have anything against being in a yummy place.

Try to experience your reading of the story as an evocative experience.

With his words, he is just striking keys on the piano of your experience.

Just feel it.

The Dojo-invitation is to not hear it from the wounded child part, hear it from your Adult.

I think that there are a couple of things that you have to demonstrate owning, at some sort of minimum “not just an intellectual concept” embodying.

One, that in human relationshipping, there is no such thing as “only information”.

Two, that in human relationshipping, you are never simply doing either the directional or evocative thing. It’s always both. What the mix is, well, that is a thing.

If I want to get bigger than my current character wants me to be, I am doing to have to hold some of those values very lightly.

If I want to get bigger than my current character wants me to be, I am going to have to engage with things, in ways that it doesn’t want me to.

As a human being, you’re going to be making choices.

Not only the direct choices that you can make or not make in this moment.

But what you see to be “valid choices about”.

Your values about your values, “Why these are right and proper values to have.”

To have the results that you want to have, that takes power.

You can certainly rearrange the furniture so that you can have the experience you want without changing one thing about yourself.

You can try to create a temple that is conducive to the experiences that you want to have.

I prefer the, “Who do I have to be, what do I have to do, to have the experiences show up that I want to have?” POV.

Just a personal preference.

This is not about strong-arming your character into submission while you do something new.

This is about becoming something else, such that you don’t need to do that.

Want a different human experience?

Change the character that you are enlivening.

Or enliven just a part of another character.

It’s a very potent POV.

Which is why most of the beginning work in Dojo isn’t about that.

Just as anyone can meditate in a temple, anyone can do something different in a crisis.

Or I can try to create a new way of being with the crisis.

I can actually put some new values, some new ways of doing things, some new vocabulary, some new skill sets into place and try to make them more solid than my old way of doing things.