Sexual Polarity

Question of the day: “What creates sexual polarity?”

WTF? “What are the ramifications of E=mc2?” would be an easier thing. 

Sigh.

Fine. I open the can, “Ask what you want and I will answer it as best as I can.”

Remember, all of this stuff is my opinion and my opinion through a Dojo lens.

First, polarity. “Sexual polarity” implies that there are different species of this beast, “polarity”. 

Before we get into the species, what’s the genus about?

Polarity. 

Ends of a spectrum.

Poles of the grey spectrum are black and white.

In human terms, I don’t think that it’s just about the “poles”. 

Within human categories, you can have poles without having polarity. 

Carnivores/Vegetarians. 

Republicans/Democrats.

Right-to-lifers/Abortion rights.

Segregationists/Desegregationists.

You can even have “aggressiveness against the other and not have it be about polarity”. 

Laughing. 

What if I’m totally wrong about the “ends of a spectrum” thing?

What if the “polarity” part is just a carry-over from another cultural reality?

Does the experience of sexual polarity depend on there being two “opposite” poles being present?

In the old days, sexual polarity was about masculine and feminine, give or take a bit.

I’m thinking that it doesn’t have to have that as a primary flavor anymore. 

Laughing again. 

What happens if “sexual polarity” is just a particular kind of power dymanic?

A very particularly spiced and flavored power dynamic?

You look across the room and your eyes light on a particular type.

The particularness of “this type” is not only that it has the “attractive” flavor.

It also has the flavor of, “there is a possibility of a give and take power dynamic that can have us get to a special type of experience”.

There is also something about, “This is not guaranteed. It depends on how well we dance together.”

“Sexual polarity” is not simply “turn on”.

“Sexual polarity” is not simply, “this is attractive”.

“Sexual polarity” is not simply, “call and response”.

And there’s a tension to it.

There’s an electricity to it. 

Is that about the potential of it?

Feels a lot like a more dynamic example of holding apart the two parts of the magnet that want to come together. If you hold them far enough apart, there isn’t anything. Bring them closer together and their in-line desire to come together becomes stronger. “In-line desire” being an agreement as to what the desire is pointed at, or has the flavor of. Usually unspoken and un-acknowledged, in human dances. Strangely enough, speaking it usually takes some of the charge away. Seems to be that dancing with it unspoken is more “fun”.

Out-of-line desire would be one party believing that the desire was about one thing and the other party believing that the desire was about another thing. 

You can play with the “in-line desire” a bit, moving the two magnets differently into different “angels of engagement” to get a different flavors/experiences of that desire. Not too far, though. Or else the connections gets too faint.

That fits pretty well, in my experience. 

With sexual polarity, there is an agreed upon base-line desire that is acknowledged.

You might never get to “full-contact” as with the magnets.

But the societal/cultural/personal “lines of force”, “lines of attraction”, “lines of repulsion” are agreed upon. Not consciously. 

Basically the agreement or harmony or resonance of the relevant parts of how the desire manifests. 

Again, not often consciously talked about.

More like seeing how the other fits as you are engaging. 

Boom. 

Two magnets come close enough so that the pull of the attraction is felt.

Because they are not simply magnets or biological programs, they just don’t bang together.

You can hang there, looking at that person.

You can notice it and then move on to something else.

You can move in and engage.

I believe that if you generalize about what the attraction is about, you get to a place of, “Oh, the signifiers are present that signify the possibility of dancing into a deeper special intimate place that is very pleasing to me.”

It’s not that the other is simply acquiescing meat.

It’s a dance. 

It’s a dance where power-up, power-down, and power-with flow about.

With sexual polarity, the culture has it that sex is the object-to-indicate-goal-reached.

From over here, this thing that we call sexual polarity might get to sex and it’s not about sex.

It’s about the power dance.

“How do you present such that I say yes?”